6 Qualities to Look for in a Long-Term Partner
Being a single has its perks—you’re free to pursue your own hobbies and interests, you have quiet moments of solitude and you have freedom to make choices based on your preferences.
However, if you’re single and actively looking for love, life as a single person can be unsatisfying. If you’re ready to share your life with someone who you can build a long-lasting, worthwhile relationship with, you have to become selective when it comes to the type of people you date. You have to begin swiping with purpose. And this slows things down.
When you’re looking for serious commitment, you’re not looking to play around—you’re dating for keeps. At this stage, you need to realize that not everyone in the dating pool is looking for the same thing, and that there are some who are better at relationships than others are.
In his book, “Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man”, Steve Harvey uses a fishing analogy for how men seek women.“A man fishes for two reasons: he’s either sport fishing or fishing to eat, which means he’s either going to try to catch the biggest fish he can, take a picture of it, admire it with his buddies and toss it back to sea, or he’s going to take that fish home, scale it, fillet it, toss it in some cornmeal, fry it up and put it on his plate,” Harvey writes.
Whether you’re looking to be with a man or woman, before committing to anyone, you want to make sure that you and the other person you’re considering being with are “fishing to eat,” and that both of you have the skills and qualities to make the relationship last for the long haul.
There are several things that can get in the way of our judgement: we commit too soon before getting to know them better, because we give in to social pressure or because our “biological clock is ticking.” Our thinking could get clouded because of past fears and emotional baggage.
We might be getting attracted based only on what we see on the surface—fancy degrees and job titles, expensive cars and jewelry, chiseled jawlines and luscious hair—things totally unconnected to a person’s character and soul. Getting into a relationship with someone because they look good on paper is inviting trouble into your life.
It could simply be that you’re not putting yourself in the best environment or not using the right dating platforms to meet good matches. Whatever the reason might be, if you’re haunted by a dating history that consists of brief encounters and flings with flaky partners, you’ve got to take a hard and honest look at your dating approach.
If things seem to be going well with someone you recently started dating, and you’re wondering if they have long-term potential, you need to put your Sherlock Holmes hat on and watch their behavior. While it’s not easy to tell after a couple of dates and you don’t want to appear too keen by initiating serious talk, you can learn a lot from their actions and by asking the right questions.
Knowing the truth of their character and their capacity for a healthy relationship early on will allow you to make the best choice, and avoid getting involved in dating drama.
Instead of “hoping for the best” or thinking that you can “fix them” when they’re with you, become a smarter dater by only considering those who demonstrate these six qualities.
Humorous
Having someone who appreciates the lighter side of life leads to a fun partnership, making it easier for both of you to stay positive through ups and downs. This doesn’t mean that they should be the next Jerry Seinfeld or Kevin Hart, but that they like to have a good laugh once in a while, and they find opportunities to make you smile. When life gets rough or when you’re dealing with conflict, they have the ability to use humor to put grim realities into perspective.
Empathic/Kind
Empathy is the ability to put yourself in another person’s shoes to understand how they’re feeling and thinking. You want someone who keeps your opinions, preferences and priorities in mind, when making decisions for the both of you. Simple acts of kindness in relationships goes a long way—making breakfast for you after you’ve had a tough week at work, buying tickets to a concert you’ve really wanted to go to, or even opening doors for you. Doing these things on a regular basis tells you that they care about you and that your happiness is a top priority.
Trustworthy/Honest
Trust is undoubtedly one of the fundamental qualities of a long-term partner. Healthy relationships involve being vulnerable with each other— you need to feel safe sharing all parts of yourself, including your weakness and fears, with your partner. It goes without saying that deception and hiding things from each other will damage the relationship and make it hard to sustain over the long haul. Honesty goes beyond fidelity, and includes being open about each other’s needs around meaningful matters, both emotional or practical. Communication based on honesty will make it easier to deal with any problems that arise in the relationship.
Emotionally Mature
While everyone can slip into spells of irrational thinking, aim to invest your emotions in those individuals who are closer to the mature side of the emotional continuum. Relationships are smoother with people who have basic emotional intelligence, i.e. they’re aware of their strengths and weaknesses, they have the patience and communication skills to work through conflicts, and find common ground that works for both parties. They can talk through problems without “losing it” and stay calm and balanced during times of crises. Being the only “grown-up” in a relationship is exhausting and will leave you feeling unfulfilled in a dysfunctional dynamic.
Team-Player/Responsible
A relationship is essentially a partnership, and where both people stay committed to holding their end of the bargain. When considering being with someone, see if they’re willing to share the daily responsibilities such as domestic chores, child-rearing and paying bills to keep your living situation afloat? A responsible partner will follow through with what’s expected of them and fulfill their duties. You don’t want to end up being the sole caretaker of the family where you have to handle everything, while your partner stays at home playing video games or watching sports games all day. Laziness is a deal breaker and can lead to relationship disaster.
Supportive/Respectful
The person you end up with doesn’t have to agree with you on every issue, but they must respect your core values and beliefs. There needs to be a mutual respect for each other and a sense that you hold each other in high regard. Feeling supported means knowing that your partner has got your back, and that they accept you for who you are. At the same time, they challenge you to be your best self and to step up your game. They respect your individual needs as well as your boundaries. Any sign of abuse, disrespect and belittling you is a sign that a partnership with them would be toxic and bring you down.
Ready to Say Allo to potential long-term love?
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