Self-Care Tips During Dating Burnout
Online dating has opened up a lot of options and flexibility for singles. Whether modern daters are between meetings, waiting at a bus stop or taking breaks during a workout at the gym, they can pick up their phone and swipe through several potential matches in one round.
Yet this on-the-go approach to dating has its downside. If you’re not meeting anyone you like, swiping through a never ending list of matches can leave you feeling drained and discouraged.
If this is happening to you, you’re not alone. Dating burnout is a real thing—and it’s affecting many singles. What seems like a time-saving and convenient option compared to traditional ways of meeting potential partners, either through friends, bars or events, is actually harder.
Scrolling through several new profiles in every swiping session during the day, without taking breaks or having a clear idea of what you want, can lead to exhaustion and addictive behavior that’s unhealthy. Not the best way to feel when you’re trying to meet the love of your life!
Dating fatigue is now a common phenomenon. A 2017 study conducted by anthropologist Dr Helen Fisher revealed that 54% of women are exhausted from modern dating. As a society, we’re getting better at spotting signs of burnout in our working lives and taking care of it, but the tiredness and pessimism from a lack of dating success goes unnoticed.
Dating expert Susan Winter said in an interview with Say Allo that dating burnout should be taken seriously. According to Winter, singles who experience burnout should do a “dating detox” and push the pause button on their efforts so that they gain a new perspective on the process.
Just like a marathon, you have to pace yourself and know when to take breaks from the dating world, by tuning into your body. As with any feelings of stress, you need to give yourself time and space to get back into balance by taking care of your needs to stay healthy in every way.
Avoid giving into the hustle culture that says that the more “work” you put in, the better the outcome, and that forbids slowing down in the race for success. Also, be wary of worrisome thoughts such as: “my biological clock is ticking” or that “all the good ones will be taken.”
Instead, view a regular self-care practice during the dating process as a necessary part of your success strategy. When you take good care of yourself, you show up as someone who is healthy and fulfilled, and become instantly more attractive and magnetic to your matches.
Whether your dating hiatus lasts a day or two months, use the time to indulge in feel-good activities. Follow these five self-care tips before getting back in the dating game.
Spend quality alone time
Learning to value alone time is essential to becoming a healthy and attractive partner. Loving your own company makes you appear confident, less needy and someone who is capable of taking care of their own needs. A dating hiatus is the perfect opportunity to do a test-drive of spending time alone, doing the things that you love—whether that be going out for dinner, movies, concerts or drinks or meditating, reading, creative hobbies or listening to music. Solo-time offers a chance to reconnect with yourself and to get to know yourself better.
Bond with family and friends
Dating is a time-consuming process that can take away time you could be spending with the important people in our life, such as friends and family. After taking a step back, you’ll have more free time to catch up and bond with them. Whether it’s during a Zoom call or a dinner date, a heart-warming conversation with an old friend or family member can offer an instant boost of inspiration. They might even provide a new perspective and what you could do differently.
Take a vacation
If you want to totally unplug and unwind, consider taking a vacation. Your escapade doesn’t have to be as grandiose as a month-long trip to Europe—you can simply go on a hiking trip out in the countryside or have a spa weekend. The idea is to experience a temporary change in scenery, pace and routine so that you can break out of any mental ruts and boredom that could be affecting your approach and attitude toward your love life. You know you’ve had a good trip when you come back feeling recharged and renewed, and ready to take on challenges.
Reflect and reevaluate
Before getting back on the dating circuit, it will be well worth your time to do a “dating autopsy” to see what is and isn’t working for you. Look back on your dating history—highlight your success, as well as the experiences that didn’t go well. Take note of the lessons and key takeaways, and deal with any lingering emotional baggage before dating again. Think of it as a mental and emotional decluttering that will open space for more positive things to enter your life.
Create boundaries and be intentional in dating
Prevent dating burnout from happening to you again by creating boundaries. Set limits on the amount of time you spend swiping and scrolling and take frequent breaks when you need them. Spending 20 minutes on a dating app, like Say Allo, when you’re intentional and clear about what you’re looking for, is a much better use of your time than mindlessly scrolling though profiles while waiting for food at a restaurant or watching TV. The payoff will be more fun and peace in the dating process—as well as an increased chance of meeting high quality matches.
Ready to get back in the game and find your perfect partner?
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